Every year, this time, I will look back and look at the new year ahead with excitement and yell – good riddance to all bad luck!
Sent an email to an ex-boss of mine. Think she sounded sincerely happy to hear from me, not like her usual off-the-cuff type of greeting. Guess that’s a nice way to end the year and start a new one.
2012 brings fresh promises. Though this year, I feel age catching up. I feel less excited about many things, having seen the darker side of life this year. Keep wondering if all my mis-steps were worth it because I cannot see light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself stuck at the same spot, not progressing, not learning. Just feel trapped and all I can tell myself is – C’est la vie, c’est votre vie.
I started 2011 excited and fresh-faced. 2011 has been a particularly challenging year for me on all fronts. It is a year I made such a major decision to say hell no to my dreams of 7 years. I just wanted to close the chapter, end all the disappointments so that I can move on. 2 years on and 7 years of dreaming, I decided that dreaming will just make me sadder and I just have to move on. The hurt lingers, the envy starts when I hear something. The “it could have been me” voice gets softer and muffled over time.
I want to start 2012 optimistic, and pray that God will be kind to me. I have a job now that pays the bills but I guess I also need to have that spiritual fulfillment in work. Not getting that now but I hope to get that soon. The key difference between then and now, I guess, is I actually have a choice now and I am the master of my own fate, not like before. Some people still make me mad and sad, all together. I try to forget these pain and focus only on the good things that make me smile. 2012 will be different, it has to be. It’s the first time, I am being flushed out of the system and am out there in the real world. The real world can be extremely unforgiving. I am still in search of the kindred souls out there.
Come 2012, my mantra will be – live life, open your heart and mind. (yeah, and I just have that couple more days to mope! 
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